today is the day that everyone says jesus is a zombie, for some reason. guys, jesus wasn’t a zombie. for one, he was fully alive when he came back from the dead, not just a set of chemicals pumping from the pituitary gland making him want to devour living people. for two, he wasn’t a victim of haitian voodoo. if he was, he’d pretty much be a similarly mindless slave to chemicals, only in this case he would be under the command of a witch doctor, who would most likely have him to the hard labour they don’t want to.
so — and i figured this out all on my own — all you people calling jesus a zombie, you are wrong. here’s the real story: